Can't believe that the recipient of the FIFA Peace Prize is behaving like this.

i dropped my pants in the toilet, may i be excused?

🎶 Workin at the brainwash [horns] Brainwash, yeah🎶

I am pleased to announce that I have commandeered my neighbor's home. This home will be sold at its Market Price, and that money will be controlled by me, to ensure it is used to the benefit of my neighbor and me! Thank you for your attention to this matter!

now his hair is pink and his face is blonde, what is happening

uh-oh my depression has reached the "Rewatch Pushing Daisies" stage

Good morning to Melania Trump’s homeland of Slovenia and to this amazing magazine cover showing her husband with Hitler moustache made of crude oil. 🇸🇮🇪🇺 Slovenes cooked severely here.

my anxiety has been running really high the last 3 days and for a minute there i thought it was because i've consistently worn a bra every one of those days, but maybe it has something to do with all the kidnapping and murder and general warcriming

A Black man was killed by ICE (off duty) in Los Angeles on New Year’s Eve. And like Renée Good, he was an American citizen. But most people have not heard about Keith Porter. I need y’all to think about and understand something. Black people experience this lack of visibility

Call me crazy, but this place was better before Elon turned it into an ethnic cleansing pep rally and whatnot.

today, i awed and amazed my employees by informing them that Nicholas Lachey and Jessica Simpson were once married. i am old enough to take young people on voyages through time before their memories, to 2003

i'm getting stoned and listening to Steve Miller Band, a blissful and pathetic endeavor. i am starting to wonder if dressing like a gentle dirtbag weed dealer from 1980 is rubbing off on me in a deeper way

"body count" makes it sounds more fun, like i got to kill them after, praying mantis-style

the aging process is slowly turning me into that blurry jesus painting

how did women who used hat pins not stab themselves in the head every day

it is outrageous how differently he reacts to male journalists. White men, please keep throwing yourself in front of this big saggy bullet, it'll go "uuhhhh i dunno" every time

true! it has many benefits, such as Feeling Great and Being Cool

being "faith led and wealth oriented" means "i beeeeeeliiieeeeeeve i should be rich"