Does my head in how fast my hair grows back, a no guard doesn’t last five mins

Imagine England actually won the World Cup man. We'd all be jobless. The country would descend into utter chaos. Sinking pints for 30 days straight listening to nothing but Three Lions and World In Motion. They'd have to set up hammocks in the pubs.

Guys be very careful with these 2 women who are thieves, if they see you in car 2 are coming, while the white pants go up and have sex with you the other takes advantage and steals all the money you have.... I've already been robbed about 9 times, so be very careful.

What a player Ruben nevez is

Too many people in this town thinking they boyos

Eric Dier vs Sergio Ramos with one of the most fabulously pointless clatterings ever seen. Magnificent.

Getting older is realising smooth radio is banger after banger

Jose, Jurgen and some other Premier League personalities look forward to Derby day this Sunday!

Christmas easy best day of the year spending time with all the family can’t beat it 🎄🍻

Cheltenham SCRAP

Henderson different class 👏🏼

Every session and kitchen in the town be like the House of Commons tonight #paulwillforpm

Park Inn 3 - 3 Travellers Rest FC AET Hell of a final got pushed all the way by a really good travs team. Won on penalties in the end. Every lad on the pitch was brilliant bring on next season! MOTM Leo Kirkbride Goal scorers David Wilson 2 Vossy 1 #UpThePark

Unbelievable game for the neutral. Good battling performance from the lads, good side to take 6 points off in the season AFC Supporters ! 4-3 to the Tech. Chris Tarn ⚽️⚽️ Matty Hughes ⚽️ Leo Kirkbride ⚽️ #UTT

WE’VE DONE IT! 3-0 down, won 4-3! Unbelievable achievement. Poor first half but showed the relentless spirit we have all year and did enough in extra time. Chris Taylor ⚽️ Kurtis Howes ⚽️ David Doughty ⚽️ James Hanna MOM: Chris Tarn Chris Tarn #UTT

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 13 years, since 8 Nov 2010 (via Twi Age 🥳).