It’s fun to think that everyone in my country gets mail from Kelly Ripa’s father a few times a year…

Not me trying to come up for a 3 letter abbreviation for orange juice for 1 across in the mini crossword today… Tell me you’re a millennial without telling me you’re a millennial.

I just realized you don’t have to go to a store & look someone in the fucking eye while they ring you up for condoms anymore. In my day, you had to hand your condoms to a 70 y/o lady at Rite Aid 2 towns over if you wanted to bone. No Amazon. No Gopuff. Not even self-checkout.

It’s okay to self diagnose if your intent is to figure out how to treat or manage your ailment. But it’s complete garbage if you’re not actually doing anything to treat it. A diagnosis, even from a doctor, is not an excuse for shitty behavior.

Wait until Gen Z learns what the missing lyrics in Kim were… (even the explicit version)

I never noticed how much Diddy whispers, “take it,” in Shake Ya Tailfeather and now that I have, it’s all I hear.

Petition to discontinue the use of the phrase “here we grow again” by any and all businesses, whether currently incorporated or to be incorporated in the future.

New millennial test If you can resist singing this line in this song when it plays in literally any situation, you are definitely not a millennial… That second “not” is the single best “not” in music history.

Deer Door Dasher who is “lost” trying to find our house. USE YOUR FUCKING MAP And stop lying, you’re in an apartment complex a mile from me completing an order from a different service.

I’ve had to work on-site for a few days and I think k my wife got used to the quiet…

The dollar sign goes before the numbers The dollar sign goes before the numbers FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THE DOLLAR SIGN GOES BEFORE THE FUCKING NUMBERS

I don’t think enough people really understand how hard it is to be a person with an extensive and impressive hat collection who also has really good hair…

I feel like WOXER Underwear, a company that makes underwear primarily marketed to queer people born female, should maybe be more mindful with how they use the word “pack” in their advertising. I was excited because I thought they were selling packers and packer underwear. Bummer.

It’s really so simple, y’all. Democracy requires trust. The idea of a free and fair election is, at its core, just trust. We no longer have trust. We haven’t had it in a decade. We have not had a democracy in a decade. Democracy didn’t die just a few days ago. She been dead.