I’ll use your decorative soap, I don’t give a fuck.

#NewProfilePic

Good morning, I’m a huge disaster.

It would be cool if a man's dick made a honking noise when he cums "Honk honk hooooonk haw haw honk heeeeooonk honk sppp honk*

Don’t let the shit u can’t control destroy u

"Hancock 2 why the f*ck you not made yet"

"i stopped opening up to people because they always end up leaving me anyways"

" Don't like school? Drop out and become a drug lord."

" Want to lose weight? Cut your legs off."

" Vodka is just fun water."

"you're kinda, sorta, basically, pretty much, ALWAYS on my mind"

"Books are awesome! I love throwing them at people."

"[Zip lines into your life] *steals your heart*"

if your age is still on the clock you cant think of the cock

"If I offer you a breath mint I'm not being nice..what I'm really saying is that you have canine halitosis and need to freshen that shit up"

Fun night at #OthelloCTI

Me: Do you like being right-handed? Hubby: Umm, sure... why? Me: Take another one of my fries again and see...