Life's a bitch, Because if it was a slut, It would be easy.

Refreshing Twitter every 5mins without any reason.

I'm sick of bitches bitching about other bitches being bitches, bitch.

Flirting- Normal people: "Hey whats up cutie ;))" Me: "Soo.. You like breadsticks?"

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU WANT LONGER WEEKENDS ???????????????????????????????????????

Google must be a woman, it knows everything.

I open a text and mentally respond then forget to actually respond.

That awkward moment when you shout out the wrong answer in class with confidence.

If someone texts "K", just reply with "L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z".

Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

That awkward moment when you are trying to throw a grenade at someone and Bruno Mars pops up!

Inexpensive Ways to Spend Time with Your Friends - epphany.com/site/post/344?…

Improve Your Flirting Abilities - epphany.com/site/post/294?…

Child Prodigies - epphany.com/site/post/604?…

I like to smile at people who don't like me because I'm an asshole.

Beautiful Abandoned Places - epphany.com/site/post/140?…

Things Invented By Women - epphany.com/site/post/507?…

That awkward moment when you change your facebook status to “single” and your ex likes it.

Texts that piss me off: 1. "Yeah" 2. "Oh" 3. "Yup" 4. "Lol" 5. "Haha" 6. "K" 7. "Nope" 8. "Chillin" 9. "Naw" 10. "Send me a pic"

*Picking up my kid from school in 20 years* Me: Yo shawty leggo. Kid: Please no. Me: Stop hating YOLO. Kid: You're embarrassing. Me: Swag.