Feel like we’ve reached the point where people need to be reminded they don’t actually have to decorate outside their houses with anything other than plants

At this point I need to accept that no one will truly understand what I mean by "extra mayo"

Hamlet was patient zero for main character syndrome #hysteria

I made it through one of the hardest weeks of my professional life. 51 papers graded & 670 minutes of one-on-one conferences. All while holding classes as usual. Hug a teacher you know. Or better yet Venmo them. We are in it

Sure, sex is fine but have ever eaten a pillowy soft plain bagel so fresh from the oven that it burns your fingers?

The good thing about developing vertigo on today is that you probably don’t forget the Thanksgiving ruined by ear crystals

Probably the thing I’m most proud of as a parent is that we never gave in and brought the cursed Elf on the Shelf into our house

After 4 days of my parents working “the supply chain” into every conversation, I feel this so hard

Finally figured out what I want for Xmas and it’s a donkey

Honestly, this is not the information I need right now. When I still have Xmas cookies to make and presents to wrap and laundry to fold

"I am fed up of the hypocrisy of lecturing teachers on going back to work in schools from many of the same people who happily take advantage of working from home for themselves. But teachers & teaching unions make easy targets & scapegoats." My #minirant

More suspense than anything I've seen on Netflix recently. x.com/outdoor_bass/s…

“Freight” 1986

Serious question: are duck boots called duck boots because they make a quacking noise when you walk in them? Because that is happening 🦆 🥾

Weird phone cord hair bobble: It is impossible for hair to become entangled in this! My hair: Hold my beer

When will there be enough podcasts?

Real tired of americanair telling us our lost bag is on the way for the last 6 hours. Didn’t take that long yesterday to drive from San Juan to the hotel.

No human moves slower than the person who finally gets to the gas pump at Costco.

Not now, Mormon crickets

If I email you back, please never respond. IIRC that’s what the “social contract” is