ATTN CARNIVAL CRUISERS: HAYDEN (of dying dog fame) will be doing a LIVE impersonation of JOSH NICHOLS (of 'Drake and Josh' fame) at the Commodore Club talent show tonight! Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

ATTN CARNIVAL CRUISERS: Due to circumstances beyond our control, HAYDEN will no longer be performing in the Commodore Club talent show tonight. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

My Husband, in the living room: "LOGAN SWITCHED TEAMS!" Me, in the bathroom: *feverishly writes Logan/Jesse LGBTQ fan fiction* #wyatr AH Arden Myrin #thebachelorette

Jesse Palmer tonight: "There's no playbook for this thing..." *Jesse Palmer 6 months from now* "SO THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE MY NEW BOOK, 'THE BACHELORETTE PLAYBOOK', IS HITTING SHELVES THIS CHRISTMAS!" #wyatr Arden Myrin AH #thebachelorette

ATTN CARNIVAL CRUISERS: We received reports of loud, guttural screams coming from the Lido Deck late last night. The guilty passengers have been safely identified and we confiscated their drink packages. Thank you. AH Arden Myrin #wyatr #thebachelorette

ME, AN HOUR BEFORE ANY PLANS REQUIRING NON-ELASTIC PANTS: "Unfortunately, she has decided to cancel today's date. Some things went down and she doesn't feel like she's in the right mindset." Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

ATTN CARNIVAL CRUISERS @ SCOOPZ ICE CREAM BAR: Please refrain from licking, lingering, staring into the distance and/or contemplating the true nature of love at counter. Other cruisers are waiting to claim their cones! Arden Myrin AH #wyatr #thebachelorette

RACHEL, TO HER STYLIST: "After this whole Logan disaster, I need a dress that screams 'PICK ME!'" STYLIST: "FLOWERS! PEOPLE PICK FLOWERS! I SO SMART - I MAKE GIANT SWAROVSKI FLOWER DRESS 4 U!" Arden Myrin AH #wyatr #TheBachelorette

ATTN CARNIVAL CRUISERS: The Gift Shop on Deck 9 is having a FLASH SALE on their signature CRYSTAL FLOWER DRESS. Ladies, make sure to snag one before tomorrow's FORMAL NIGHT! #dress2impress #carnivalcruisers #wyatr Arden Myrin AH

FUN FACT: Every time 'The Bachelorette' shows a Virgin Cruises logo, a Disney Cruises employee drops dead. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

ATTN CARNIVAL CRUISERS: Apologies for the confusion -- we've just been informed that the All-You-Can-Eat Meatball Bar HAS IN FACT been moved to the passenger's private stateroom after all. DM us for the room #. AH Arden Myrin #wyatr #TheBachelorette

ABC PROMOS THIS WK: Will the women find RED FLAGS in the RED LIGHT DISTRICT?! Can they WEED out the boys from the men? Will one of our producers get fired for planning an overnight date at the ANNE FRANK HOUSE? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT #wyatr Arden Myrin AH

Hey MONTY G. PHILLY I'm a producer at Jimmy Kimmel Live -- trying to get in touch with you ASAP. Can you DM me? Thanks!

FUN FACT: all of the talking head interviews on The Bachelor take place at a TJMaxx at the Glendale Galleria. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

if Gabi really cared about Zach she would have eaten the shellfish. Either her throat is closed off or her heart is. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

Say what you want, but I think it was really *brave* of Zach to only wear outfits he tore off the mannequins at the Bahamas airport Hudson News. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

Honestly impressed that Jess snuck her body glitter past TSA. We KNOW that girl wears more than the approved 3.4 fluid ounces on a nightly basis. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

ZACH: Are here for ME? Or BRAND DEALS? ANASTASIA: wow - seems like we should unpack this with a professional. When you use code ANASTASIA on BetterHelp.com, you’re paired w/ a licensed therapist who’s always there for the right reasons. AH Arden Myrin #wyatr

“I needed to pick someone for this date who was up for something totally CRAZY and a lil’ DANGEROUS!” - every Bachelor, moments before walking up to an innocuous activity that I probably did at 8th grade church camp. Without a parental waiver. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr

ZACH: I’m going with my gut on this. ANASTASIA: I’m glad to hear you value gut health. And with Care/Of vitamins, you can *always* trust your gut. For a limited time, score a free ashwaganda supplement when u use promo code BACHELOR MICROBIOME. Arden Myrin AH #wyatr