last night i met my friend’s 8 year old son, and after a few hours of hanging out with me he’d determined “i like you. you’re like the one that always survives in horror movies” which is the coolest thing anyones said to me all year

food bloggers have a fairly simple job which is to write *functional* recipes and not be racist and yet sooooooo many of them suck at this

i want every single set of pajamas on mad men

Formally, the Constitution allows Congress to 1) impeach justices, 2) strip the Supreme Court of jurisdiction over everything but its original jurisdiction, 3) increase or decrease the court's size, and 4) begin the amendment process.

i love abbott kinney it’s so rife with absolutely deranged folks and the most unfashionable people in california. better than the zoo

every week i consider deleting this app, and every week there’s one tweet that simply won’t let me sever ties

Living in LA, I’ve lived in many a neighborhood in which police helicopters circle all day and they don’t do anything except be loud an annoying. You know what improved the morale and safety of my neighborhood in less than two weeks? A new taco stand. I’m 1000% serious.

I called the car dealership I said “do y’all be fixing wheels? My wheel make a noise when I turn” he said “we do diagnostic yes for $195” I said “do that come with the fixing part or no?” he said “no that’s separate” I hung up just like peppa pig

aside from instagram’s new ui/ux rendering it basically unusable i’m also being consistently force fed gentrified boring chopped cheese recipes which fuels my rage for food bloggers privileged whitewashing of regional cuisine soooooooo much

it’s insane that brands and the real human people behind these campaigns simply cannot push their brains to think that atypical semi-nude bodies should not and maybe can not appear glam / flirty. it’s always a message of “look, we’re allowing you to be comfortable!”

i will marry this energy trust me

👀

Reminder that Thomas Jefferson who helped write the Declaration of Independence also said we should rewrite the constitution every 20 years so that dead people wouldn’t rule over modern society.

if i don’t hear any baby keem today i’ll die

One of the most widely ignored stories in local media is how much overtime cash police extract from their own violence. It’s hardly ever discussed, but every cop out there is thinking about it.

Always always always read the letters