I haven’t looked at my bank account in 2 weeks..I honestly just don’t want to know bc i’ve done some damage lately and I know if I look it will hurt my feelings

Me: I’m done with men, for real Me [after a man is nice to me for 24 hours]:

Until VERY recently, I thought the lyrics were “Gonna take my horse to the hotel room/Gonna ride til i can’t no more.” I’m like how is everyone cool with this guy fucking his horse? To be clear, I said nothing. Just bopped my head along to my new fav song about horse fuckin

Fuckboys have roamed the earth since the beginning of time. I believe the first fuckboy was the velociraptor. They travel in packs and make really annoying noises and try to overcompensate all the time because they are the size of a large chicken.

I succumb to peer pressure so easily. All you have to do is ask me a second time and slightly raise your voice in a stern tone and I’ll give you my first child.

Top 10 girl orders: 1. Vodka Cran 2. “Something good” 3. Vodka sprite 4. Vodka soda with a splash of cran 5. Vodka water with 17 limes 6. “What do you like” 7. “Something strong but sweet” 8. Vodka sour 9. Tequila sunrise 10. “A water for my friend”

I am very nice and I have great boobs why am I single

I need to stop starting Netflix series with boys I date cause now people are like “have you seen stranger things” and I’m like no because John decided he was too busy for a relationship

Props to John my number neighbor for keeping it real ass fuck.

liquor before beer ur in the clear beer before liquor i honestly don’t even care anymore

Where’s Tom??!! #PatsGame #BforBetsy

Starting a movement to bring back Blazin’ Buffalo & Ranch Doritos. Who’s with me!? Doritos

How does Wachusett Mountain get away with only filling their bags 1/3 of the way with chips? They should be ashamed! Am I right Haley Fritz?

Boooooooooooooooooo #ufc274 Thumbs down #namajunas

Hayden is Joe Amabile ‘s twin!!! #TheBachelorette