You ever just think?

Pick your nose with different fingers to keep things interesting

If you're riding a tandem bicycle and aren't smiling the whole time, stay away from me and my family.

Just cooked my frozen pizza medium rare and I must say, the grass is greener on the other side.

Now that I'm safely back in Union territory. Southern hospitality is creepy and no, it is not a "blessed day" Mary Lou, it's hot and your teeth make me nervous.

Y'all out here actin like gogurt isn't still a thing

I love how everyone talks about having a "401k" and nobody actually knows what that is.. Yea, I like mixing numbers and letters too buddy.. LOL

Let's keep this civil

Taco Bell is as authentic as Mexican food gets

Current events are really crazy, like super crazy. I wish things would just not be so crazy. I'm blown away by the things that are happening. They should be happening differently. Praying for everyone. 🙏🙌

That 10:33pm be hittin like it's 10:35pm 😝

Yes, now is still the best time to wear a striped sweater.

I know Kranjska Gora going wild

See what I mean

Willing to negotiate with terrorists if they're "super chill dudes"

Literally nothing more humbling than being the last millennial to get a Twitter... Literally nothing.. Literally

Day 12 on Twitter and I'm not famous yet. Maybe this was a mistake...

Don't👏talk👏about👏loving👏dogs👏if👏you👏don't👏even👏kiss👏them👏on👏the👏mouth.

It sucks having a lazy roommate. Like I'm pretty sure it's your turn to take out the trash, mom.