You know those dead horses won't beat themselves. Now go to work!

Good evening Cleveland. I'm John and we are Iron Madden. (Before his coaching years)

For God's sake air filter, please pull your weight this month.

I thought the sails on this model ship fluttered like everything else in the workshop. Glue does that to you.

Shout out to top five World's Oldest Professions. Prostitution and the other four.

Just ordered an eight billion people wide podium so we can all be 'first'!

Apparently I need updating so, I need to power off for a lil bit ya'll. I bet I come back with more battery life!

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Until about an hour before supper.

April #madness also has brackets. #Tax brackets.

I've had it up to here with first world problems. This week.

Captains Log Stardate: OU812 Naw, just jacking with ya Spock.

This secret handshake has more steps than AA. 4.

Before we recognize National Taylor Day, National Carol Day should be decommissioned.

I install updates like it's a skill.

Hey Babe. I can tell you're a player by the size of your portal.

4/20 day is for amateurs. The real trick is to celebrate the hours.

There should be more ladies named Reba by now. Did I miss a scandal?