I had a customer yesterday ask me "Does this store sell coffee filters" I told him he could find them by the coffee I'm not convinced he knew what "this store was"

A woman almost cried today because she thought there were no more patio umbrellas left. There was one in red, her favorite color. She told I made her day but she easily made my week. Dreams can still come tru

Literally crying because Future Nostalgia is such a 🔥 album

Systematic Racism is a worse problem than our restrooms being closed due to the global pandemic. Sir, please put your mask back over your grumpy face. We're in this together, have a nice day.

Her eyes are up here sir

I'm so sorry sir, she isn't actually a pork chop She's a goddess So sorry for your inconvenience

Who's more cute

Guys that don't know how to listen are usually bad at kissing. In my experience

Ok Google That's not what I asked for

washingtonpost.com/politics/coron…

Right is wrong Down is up Great is derogatory

No matter what you look like No matter what you believe No matter where you are from No matter who you like No matter who you are No matter how you choose to live You still have to poop sometimes

This fly has been stuck in my home for days. It's almost as annoying as the US is Great.

I think I would want a biopic about me to be in claymation. I think it would make more sense.

Tbh Frank Ocean should run for POTUS He's already my King 😂

In Kurtistown kourtesy is our Kurrency kurtis conner