That pull through at the grocery store is a poisoned chalice

So much garlic it’s an Allicin Wonderland

NFL daily news reading like a Boston Globe headline today

Songs used to have Nelly Furtado on them

I hate when you’re bringing home groceries and a random produce item despawns

The only acceptable use of any “prediction market” platform is hammering ‘No’ every single time Elon promises something

We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it

Joe Biden was selling PS5s for 400 American dollars

You make one stew and now your phone timer thinks everything needs to be 3 hours

No rizz but I’d throw a comet at the moon just to name the crater after you

How did Andy Grammer figure out exactly how many drinks it takes for him to cheat on his wife?

Critics are calling my most recent act of folly a “return to form”

Last night was a love letter to the genre

Knowing what I know now I would’ve done fraud in Biztown

Asked the Hot Wheels magic 8 ball car if this would be my year and it said “doubtful”

shit been stuck in my head all day

I need to work a grill, and soon

What up fine stuff