I’m jealous of everyone else besides me because they don’t need a mirror or camera to stare at me 😔

Weather to me is no longer a small talk convo

I was gonna tweet something so funny but then I forgot what it was 😭

My eyes are my favorite facial feature yet I love pics of me in sunglasses but hate pics of me in glasses?? fffs

college has been out for ?? days and I already have no idea what month much less week much less day it is

The tension between me and the waiter grating parmesan on my plate

we’d like you to be an ambassador for 🚩🚩🚩

“I got 99 problems but a b*tch ain’t one” bro 98 of your problems are about not being able to find anyone and you wonder why 😭

If I traveled back in time I wouldn’t know what to do. I can’t remember dates so I couldn’t warn people about stuff; I don’t know how most things work so I can’t invent stuff ahead of time. Plus I’m a woman & not white so I wouldn’t be taken seriously and have much less rights.

how are men still comfortable catcalling people in 2022

In books & TV shows the characters go through so many near-death experiences and don’t have a hint of PTSD symptoms or mental disorders??

With my rate of “Volume Should Be Turned Down” notifs I should be deaf by now

Me: I’m an intellectual *spends a good chunk of my time telling my dog to not sniff human butts*

One of life’s scams is that the patriarchy has convinced us that playing games with a PC or console is cooler than playing mobile games

This isn’t Democrat vs. Republican this is people vs. politicians making sure there is a reason people vote for them and support one of two political parties that keep our country divided and inefficient

Today I was fingerprinted; he asked me to put my right fingers on the pad and I asked him “You said right, right?”. He confirmed, and I put my right fingers on the pad and then he told me that I had put down my left fingers. I can’t even blame this on a lack of sleep.

My toxic trait is that I don’t believe in paying for parking. The place I’m going to has a lot next to it for $1/hour but instead I’ll park in an abandoned lot 20 mins away for free.

My laptop isn’t touch screen so I don’t touch my my screen but yet my screen always has fingerprints??

"You're so brave for sharing your story" no I just love to talk (especially about myself) and overshare

Nobody hypes me up like my Facebook friends do 😘