Just a reminder that Uber & Lyft surged their prices when the BK subway shooting happened yesterday and they have a history of doing this in emergency situations. Sure they’re refunding ppl NOW after being called out… It’s still just gross.

Zack for Mayor ✌🏼

Average phone call with mom: Her: Hey, I missed your call! Me: Oh, I was just overthinking but I think I figured it out Her: Oh ok! Me: K! Her: Talk to you later!

My Apple Watch just notified me that I closed my Move Ring as I was lifting my fork to take a bite of poutine

Flying on day 2 of your period should be an automatic upgrade. And no one better sit next to me!

My mom just asked me if Squid Game is a competition reality show.

My biggest performance since covid is saying “yes” to the flight attendant when sitting in the exit row

Your son made me take plan b after we hooked up but carry on

So we’re canceling the song “Proud to Be an American” this year, right?

His name was Sampson and we all love him very much.

Wordle 502 2/6 🟩🟨⬛⬛🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 ✌🏼

I was having a bad day. Then I walked past a man who said “God bless you” to his dog when it sneezed 🐶

You are scum of the earth if you use someone’s suicide to promote your original song….. multiple times especially

VOTE.

Everyone: “Are you gonna blend your eyeshadow?” Congressman George Santos (Parody): “Nah I’m good!”

1 week!!!!! 😍

Thought: “Nothing surprises me in NYC anymore” Gets on the G train: “nvm.”

Taylor & Pete 2023.

Weekend subways are the dumpster fires of hell. 🔥 #nyc