When I get jealous of zuckerbergs $ I imagine him drunk at a wedding trying to dance to brick house and then its not so bad

My hair cant do anything but be amazing

Congratulations! You've been preapproved for a credit scam we're conducting

Did anybody see that nice couple that was here earlier

Words like flonaise to my ears, make all the shit fall out my pockets

those are them

The entire sport of hockey can go puck itself

Still searching for a catopia...meow

I am as satan made me

I'm so tired right now

All the stressing I do keeps me in pretty good shape

Neil diamond is music's motivational speaker

I'm gonna have a beer

sneaking off into the woods to smoke cigarettes was a big part of my childhood

sometimes I feel like an egret among plovers

ICP- insane cloud posters

French people are essentially germans trying to act like italians

Bud light lime is a poor man's sour beer, wait, did I already tweet that?

prescribed burns are literally fighting fire with fire

Peeling and eating a clementime is a confidence booster for me