Liking asparagus is embarrassing

Thanks so much for the latest Och Tamale University of Redlands, but can I have my diploma now?

Hitting “Buy Now” instead of “Add to Cart” is fricken powerful

u were draining as fuck, i do not miss u

“When we get back to the hotel do you want to see who can run a mile the fastest?” —pubescent boy to another pubescent boy in Olive Garden

I wish there was a “send later” button on messages so people don’t know how embarrassingly fast I respond

People who leave you on delivered for months are so obnoxious

Just spilled my iced applecrisp oatmilk macchiato all over my sister's newborn baby

Do you continue eating your pizza rolls when they burn the shit out of your mouth or do you spit that shit out?

this just in: the grinch is facing backlash after old anti whoville emails resurface

they would only get four free tests

I’ve had Crunchwraps more supreme than this court

I wish buying weed built your credit

You should be allowed to smoke weed in TJ Maxx

new hunger games movie today