me: you're so cute

my cat: thanks brother

me: you're such a good boy

my cat: appreciate that brother

❌ No, U.S. President Joe Biden didn't post a picture of a notepad on X (formerly Twitter) reading, 'I'm stroking my s--- rn.' snopes.com/fact-check/bid…

what did he mean by this

'you shouldn't let your cat jump on the counter' my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to

Just realized it’s Monday

british people make me so angry. every time i hear 'oh my days' i go over to my neighbor's house and key his honda accord a little bit

i'm no longer a weed smoker so i have no idea what to do today. i just grabbed a bird out of the air and gave it a little kiss

Malcolm in the Middle East

we should get an hour of recess at work. i want to go outside and play

the potatoes in my pantry when they start sprouting and wont be eaten

me closing a deal with the keebler elves to put asbestos in the cookies

me when the chili's manager asks me to stop eating the moist towelettes

almost monday already