So someone tell me again why we can control a woman’s uterus but not guns?

“Why are you here?!" A furious Sen. Chris Murphy demands answers from senators following Texas school shooting. “Why do you spend all this time running for the United States Senate...if your answer, is as the slaughter increases, as our kids run for their lives—we do nothing?”

I love when I am parallel parking in front of someone and they beep their horn. Yes, I see you, sir, and I don’t intend to hit you.

Tonight I was supposed to be seeing Sir Paul McCartney at Fenway with my dad. He hated the Beatles but knew I loved them and so he splurged on great seats. Seats that are sitting empty tonight. I hope someone gets to sneak into them and enjoy the show for us both.

What in the white people hell is a nap dress?

Why give me a 3 hour delivery window if you’re not going to show up until the last 30 minutes?

Trying to about Love Island spoilers as an American is extraordinarily stressful.

Love Island peeps, why does Davide sound like Nandor?

One thing about me is that I will ALWAYS watch a video of a dog being reunited with a deployed owner.

Tonight at work a man told me I was “quite a nasty person” and I responded “I’m sorry” but I really should have said…

Guys. I got a dog. And it is hard. And I cried last night.

Hate to be the one to tell you this, but it is the new year. Time to circle back.

Yearly reminder: check your pay stubs regularly. If your taxes are screwed up, that’s on you!

Hot tip: if you frequent an establishment and you don’t like the way the staff performs their job duties, go elsewhere. Don’t try to tell them how you would prefer they do their job.

I have to go home. My dog doesn’t miss me but I miss him

Having a dog is wild. Like this wolf lives in my house and I get to pet him whenever I want and he is obsessed with me? What a deal.

I don’t know what clicked im Igor’s brain but today was the day he decided that walking on a leash wasn’t so bad.

My dog came in the house with a ball. I did not purchase this ball. It’s a mystery. Or he is a thief.

My dog is too dumb to choose violence, I think he just is violence due to size and overall clumsiness.

I have come to the very difficult decision of having my nose physically removed from my face. I will not be taking questions as this time.