Connor Hellebuyck has allowed the most goals and made the most saves in the playoffs so far.

I have a migraine.
Send money.

I’d like to but I can’t…
My kids are living their best life & I’m their ride.

The solution to using hard butter.

Seen a homeless guy with a sign “one day this could be you” so I kept my change just in case.

Older siblings.

Cats getting busted 😂

Any man who wants a Wife obviously hasn't had one before

Flight attendant: You’re sitting in an exit row. Are you ready willing and able to assist in case of an emergency

Me, half an ambien and 2 bloody marys deep: Yeah

This is what doing a line means to me now.

I talk to about 5 people a day and three of them are me.

Frustrated? Go for a walk
Mental break? Go for a walk
Can’t think straight? Go for a walk
No energy? Go for a walk
Angry? Go for a walk
Sad? Go for a walk
Stressed? Go for a walk

Walking is more than just exercise.
It’s a break from life.

Get to steppin’.🚶‍♀️☀️

Why men shave thier pubes.

Sorry to hear this!
What a legend!

old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something

Just came across my wife’s tinder profile and she’s a liar.

She is not “fun to be around.”

Remember when we used to print out 4 pages from Mapquest and travel like pirates?

Here’s the thing about birthdays… unless you’re turning 21 or 100 nobody gives a shit.

Why don’t we have boyscout cookies?

Due to the cost of
groceries the 5 second rule has been extended to 15 seconds.