My hairstyle is BOMB'astic. And my skin care routine is nuCLEAR. North Korea For The Win.

Don't mess with me, America. I'm so badass my fat belly is basically called a Death Star.

The only person that scares the living shit out of me is John Wick.

People talk a lot about that guy Bruce Lee. And his nunchakus. Have you ever seen me with two hotdogs on both hands? You wouldn't wanna mess with me.

The White House can deny it but I confirm I slid into Mellania's DM. We didn't chat much. Just of how big & bad my rocket is. Nothing to worry about, America.

I am willing to sit down & improve our international relations with Japan under one condition. Hentai.

Accidentally hurt my feet after walking on my lego collection. Now lego is illegal in North Korea.

I can't believe Iran is stealing my show. Just had my General fed to a tiger for not organizing a missile test today. Time to get things back in order.

I'll be riding into World War III on a horse with a flat cap on like Thomas Shelby did on the very first scene of Peaky Blinders.

I had a blast on my 13th birthday of 2020 because it's basically my birthday everyday. Giant cakes, ice cream trucks, imported pizza, unicorns, booze, bitches & I launched like 36 missiles for every year I've lived. It's good to be a supreme leader.

Back online. It's quarantine season bitches, but not in Pyongyang. You better get your ass to work or get in a labor camp.

I mean, there is always a place for Trump in North Korea.

Can somebody send me a profile of this new adversary of mine, Biden? I just had my whole intelligence crew fed to a dragon. Bunch of losers.

In North Korea elections are easy: A: Vote For Kim Jong Un B: I Choose To Die In A Labor Camp

I thoroughly enjoyed the first series of The Boys. That homelander chap is like an american version of me. Except without my triple chins, or my THICC booty.

Month of March. My new biography is out. I'm partying in Pyongyang tonight once again like it's my birthday. All hail the Supreme Leader. It's good to be me.

One time I ate like a 100 pancakes for breakfast. I felt nothing. So I made them illegal in North Korea.

If I was an avenger I'd choose to be iron man. Rich, young and in a fat robot suit. Levels.

I have a sexier haircut, bigger hands and a bigger butt than trump. America 0 North Korea 3

Only reason I consented to meet the south was because I ran out of power while playing fortnite.