Though we at KGAR are currently reporting on the road from Battin’ Island, I hear there’s some fascinating news coming out of Kansas City! Let’s see. What’s this say? “they faxed a horse” Very funny. Prank messages for the newly resurrected radio station. Back to the game.

Can something happen in Seattle? I keep getting news bulletins but they’re always about the Breath Mints. Oh well. What is it this time? … you can DO that?

Flick Betelgeuse here for KGAR! Congratulations to Summers Pony for shutting out the Fridays, proving their superiority over other horse pitchers. Maybe they can watch Pony gallop to the Internet Series from the shadows. Go Garages!

Oh no

Flick Betelgeuse, KGAR. Jazz is playing over Chesapeake Bay. Every flight from Seattle to Baltimore was fully booked in an hour. I’m lucky to have been in town already. All we can do is wait.

KGAR from Baltimore. Tot Clark hit a triple off the first pitch, before the Riff even finished. I don’t have the best vantage point, but from where he was standing, I don’t think he could see the waves of immateria rolling in. Eclipse or Flooding, he was going to hit that ball.

Flick Betelgeuse here. I’m back in the hotel room, reviewing our roster. It takes a few hours to look at them all. It’s been a long week. Back on the West Coast, there’s a scary forecast for the Breath Mints and the Lovers. But for now, the Garages are safe. Rest well, Seattle.

KGAR back again. I stopped by the Big Garage but they were doing construction on the entire floor. I couldn’t even get my binder. What are they doing in there? I’m still catching up. There’s already been a few Consumer sightings in Seattle. We fly to NYC soon. Fingers crossed.

Flick Betelgeuse here. I’m with the team, who are playing the Millennials at Battin’ Island. Just as the game started, I got the feeling of being watched. From the way the players are acting, they feel it too. The Garages are going deep.

Flick here! While we’re between games, I’m headed to a good coffee shop in Seattle. Apparently some news is brewing, but it can wait.

Flick Betelgeuse with KGAR!!! Canada’s own Uncle Plasma XII has CLOTHESLINED a rampaging Consumer that snuck up on the Garages’ Tot Clark! With a showing like that, Seattle fans can rest easy — the team’s safe while the Moist Talkers are near! Get ‘em, Plasma! Get ‘em! BLAM!!!!!

In less exciting news, KGAR is here to report the construction at the Big Garage is finished. “Everything’s closer together,” apparently, “but it’s still the same size.” Cryptic! But perhaps it’ll be a benefit. The team’s also taken some initiative and cleaned up the ballpark.

Flick Betelgeuse here, reporting live from the Big Garage itself. Mike Townsend is a Fire Eater. Between Mike Townsend, Malik Destiny, and Oliver Notarobot, the Seattle lineup is starting to resemble the Hades Tigers'. Be careful out there, umpires. The Garages hit back.

KGAR here, Flick Betelgeuse on the mic. The Dallas Steaks’ IVy has been freed from the Shadows. Though with how much I’ve seen them in Seattle, you’d be forgiven for thinking the Garages’ own MaX had recruited them here during the chaos of the Gachapon!

Live from Charleston, it’s Flick Betelgeuse with KGAR! It’s very Dark. The players are sleeping. I don’t know when they’re going to wake up.

———aaand we're back. It's the apocalypse; radio is hard. KGAR's Flick Betelgeuse here, reporting from the fringe of reality. It's day 97, and the Horizon is fast approaching. Going live one last time, these are your Seattle Garages. Don't touch that dial, folks. Let's play.

Good night, Seattle. Thanks for listeni——————————————

Good morning, folks. Welcome to the radio debut of KGAR, your source for Seattle’s brand-new, never-before-seen Blaseball team. Season 1 — The Return (The Return) — begins soon, and we couldn’t be more excited. Live in the booth, it’s Flick Betelgeuse (no relation) with KGAR!

Play ball!

uh oh