hollywood is so toxic, my agent just called me overjoyed that there’s 3 new spots up for grabs at conan o’brien’s christmas party next year

.@stevenacohen2 tell david stearns to let jonah tong pitch for team canada in the WBC you hedge fund demon bitch

THE KING OF POP IN THE BAT BABY

i’m making miguel rojas ruined my mid to late 30s t-shirts

wait, you mean to tell me the guy who makes those gay boring movies with the blue aliens with braids is also a pussy too???

merry christmas to eddie and his queen

merry christmas to the devote citizens of piss nation

chick-fil-a is closed. much like the impending birth of baby jesus, my lust for an original spicy sandwich has been turned away in a time of need

merry christmas Jeff Blair please let mr. barker know that santa left him a beautiful new jimmy john’s location on king st west in downtown toronto under the tree this year

i can’t believe souki the french canadian pervert only lasted for one season

imagine this with a polish sausage, 8 beers and a beautiful saturday afternoon in downtown toronto

bratwursts on the grill baby 💅

this broad cutting my hair was talking shit about taco bell. “i find it absolutely disgusting” sweetheart, that’s how i’d describe your floral lower back tattoo but we keep overtly negative comments to ourselves sometimes

more like kyle fucker, am i right folks? ps: trade for steven kwan, go jays

sean penn is a lock to win best supporting race play sex pest at the academy awards this year

a belated congratulations to amy poehler for winning best podcast at the golden globes well deserved, if you haven’t listened, it’s a highly innovative show where she interviews celebrity guests for about an hour. truly elevating the medium to brave new heights

great tweet shawn, i’m about to dive into beverly hills chihuahua 3: viva la fiesta