I will never be jealous of large friend groups because I've seen how yall talk shit ABOUT each other TO one another‼️

"Only very sick kids should die from measles" No, Secretary Kennedy NO child should die from measles. Because there's a vaccine to prevent it.

Me: “I should have about $400 left” Bank balance: $2.99 Me:

I deserve a dragon after all I have been through

Telling Amex whoever bought those 32 martinis and a table last night wasn't me

Jesus literally got killed and rose from the dead and you’re afraid of posting controversial tweets

Benefits of caffeinemaxxing: - life is beautiful - resting heart rate 600bpm - you feel alive - work seems bearable - increased concentration - ability to see sounds - confidence boost

I feel grateful all the time that I am single and do not have children

how it feels pretending to agree with people so they stop talking

Call me woke, but I’m not taking vaccine advice from RFK Jr., who shot black tar heroin into his veins every day for 20 years.

Anytime I see a story about a big game hunter getting trampled or mauled to death by animals it brings a huge smile to my face

Ok where's the proof??? Scientific, peer-reviewed articles only.

I'd rather drink the water from a tin of tuna than be asked to share a fun fact about myself as an icebreaker during a team building activity at work.

if men stopped doing all the heavy duty, necessary, dirty jobs that make the world run...women would do them. we already know this, it happened in WWII. if women stopped doing the thankless, routine care work that makes the world go round, vulnerable people would be neglected.