I told my cousin’s 6-year-old she couldn’t ride my Peloton until she gets bigger. And she very seriously said, “So when I turn 40? Like you?” 😑

I went to Costco on a Sunday (!) for one item and left with only that one item. Please clap

I didn’t think I could be more obsessed with an internet thing than I was with Shelby and Dolly but then the Pop Tart mascot happened so here I am

I washed, dried, folded AND put away multiple loads of laundry all in the same day so I think 2024 is off to a solid start

How I felt explaining the entire Kate Middleton thing to coworkers today:

Happy Arbor Day.

Where do I submit my plot ideas

Never thought I’d ask myself if it’s still hot dog season for my lawn goose or if we’ve shifted to swimsuit season but here we are

Even the dog was depressed with the score of today’s Yankees game.

Catching up on like four seasons of Top Chef and I’m begging everyone to stop making risotto.

My biggest takeaway from “Trap” is that I’m old because I still say “jelly” for “jealous.” Not handling it well

I need the Yankees to clinch tonight for obvious reasons but also I cannot listen to Bob Costas for another game.

Only one kid acknowledged my porch goose in his candy corn costume on Halloween and honestly I’m still kind of reeling from that.