good morning to Michelle Obama only. i hope you have good day, tell barack i say hey

i’m in a very weird part of my life right now. just have no idea what’s going on. anyone wanna wii bowl

no noise november everyone shut up

list of things i love about bryant: when leon calls me sweetheart that’s it, that’s the list

you can really tell a lot about people based on their ringtone. for example, somebody just walked past me and their phone started quacking, so now i know who the baddest bitch on campus is.

if he’s not an expert on wii tennis........sis he’s not the one

no offense but literally fuck Connecticut

[first day as a detective] Partner: I’m just not sure if it helps the case Me: Are you kidding me, of course it helps, just look! Partner: Please don’t do th- Me [dancing like the lemur from the movie madagascar]: I like to sluth it sluth it, I like to sluth it sluth it

me: *bumps into an inanimate object* my brain: don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it me: oops, i’m sorry

hi all, just a reminder that you have survived 100% of your bad days so far and that is something to be proud of

in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the jason mamoa, amen

bro i swear if you don’t have yourself a merry little christmas im gonna be so pissed

whenever i start feeling a little too cocky i remind myself that i’m single which means no one in the entire world wants to date me which is both humbling n also kinda rude

what’s a group photo without that one guy that lays down in the front

how is it even possible that kanye and jeffree star dating is not the biggest news of the day

thinking about the guy proudly waving a blue lives matter flag while violently storming the capitol building🥰💙

love goofing off. in fact i’m goofing off right now