MY academy award winner

i … absolutely hate how accurate this targeting was (not those boots tho those are trash)

judging if the espresso in the espresso martini was real bc i don’t feel worse after drinking it like i should

Happy #Dateline birthday to katy wellhousen, seen here modeling the latest in millinery.

so happy my neighbor has taken up learning electric guitar but would be super great if he didn't practice with the windows open

it just hit me football starts soon

me making jokes in the teams chat during the meeting

what true crime documentary are we watching rn

i know i shouldn't have earthquake fomo but i do??????

i don't get it when the grocery clerk asks *me* how many bags i need ... like ma'am idk you're the professional!!!

if i see the word demure one more time im gonna kms

is everyone else being tortured with at minimum 10 spam calls a day or am i alone in this agony 🫠

tiktok’s “send to X Person” button that pops up on the bottom of videos just made me accidentally send a tiktok about the 1997 film Face/Off to my ex so if you need me i’ll be on the phone with my lawyer

met a drunk girl in the bathroom on NYE (as one does) and 8 months later she has asked me to *checks notes* come sign a paper towel???

wE fOuNd AnOtHeR nIgHt OwL ok i’m sorry im ordering food rn can i live????

bad news for mario’s kids

guys wake up i solved the austin serial killer case

just picked my friend up at the airport, spoke the 10 min ride to my house, now we’re in different rooms texting memes to each other until we go to sleep. that’s true friendship

absolutely 0 ways this can go poorly

flying to new york on 9/11 with a bag that says text me when you land and i’m in row 13 me 🤝 fate