Am I even on a plane if I’m not messaging Tom a blow by blow account if all the idiotic things other passengers are doing as we board?

Tom looking at a traffic cone this weekend “does ‘doi’ mean ‘police’ in Manx?” Me: “no babe, that’s D.O.I for department of infrastructure”

Working at my dad’s desk while I’m home, looking for a pen in the draws but instead I find: testicle bike lights and a set of joke false teeth #businessessentials

27 is getting in from a night out and foam rolling

Trying on a dress I’d purposely sized up in because ~boobs~ only to have them spilling out left right and centre. Proceed to have a meltdown, pull my laptop out and search “dressed for women who have tits bigger than an A cup”. Only to realise I’m on the shared work account 🙃

When you miss a call from the doctors at 6:30pm on a Friday and they leave a voicemail asking you to call them first thing Monday morning with regards to recent blood tests 🙃🙃 well that’s me worrying about my imminent death all weekend

Joining a netball team in a foreign country is a daunting thing to do at 27 but finishing the first training session only to realise I’ve had chocolate spread on my face the whole time is simply ✨ mortifying ✨ (at any age, but especially at 27)

Counting down the days until I’m back on Manx soil living my best basic bitch life ✌🏼

Couple next to me on the train are having an argument but trying not to draw attention to themselves by whispering (surprising because they’re American) and it’s like listening to really disturbing ASMR

First morning of working at my parent’s house and some solid topics of discussion on radio 2 so far... what different types of steroids there are to treat cataracts and the ethics of Googling how to solve a Rubik’s cube. Excited for 7 more days of this

My parents recently gave me the solid advice of “just get another 2 or 3 jobs and save up for a few years” 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

Don’t know what I’m more excited about, the fact that lifts are opening early this weekend or that my local supermarket is finally(!!) getting self checkout

My Spotify wrapped is fucked this year because I constantly have ‘chill lowfi hip hop beats’ playing throughout the day and can only sleep listening to white noise

The fact that excruciating pain is better than the side effects of hormonal contraceptives says it all really