having a dad

Ending my thesis paper with “but who gives a fuck what I think”

me trying to see if I can drown myself at 9:09am

winning an oscar has to feel good as fuck cause i just won a $25 gift card and it literally felt like this

“everyone gets a plate before you can have seconds” but for housing

Fool me once? Shame on you Fool me twice? Shame on you Fool me thrice? Shame on you Fool me four times? Shame on you Fool me five times? Shame on you Fool me six times? Shame on you

Ya’ll are worried about Snap recipients buying cookies?! I’m worried about billionaires buying 14 year olds

The only gun control America has had

no noise november. everyone shut up

Footballers when their teammate scores a goal.

drinking isn’t the same anymore I be waking up in critical condition

Jeff Bezos paid $50M for a wedding. He just got a $16B tax break. He laid off 60k people. And you’re furious about a kid getting a free school lunch.

"on the rocks" is a very cunty way to ask for ice tbh

Moon has been nuts lately. You need to be noticing the moon.

as a man you’re already kinda on extremely thin ice with me