Snoring is basically bragging about being asleep, so loudly, that it stops other people from sleeping. It’s like lying there screaming “I’M HAVING A LOVELY SLEEP”

The Hybrid

will never understand people's fascination with their ancestry, isn't knowing your current family bad enough

“Help! I’m invisible!” — a sketch I did with the folks from To Make Matters Worse. #TorontoProblems #CanadianComedy youtu.be/SNAowcIcNS4

Somebody asked me what it’s like living in the City Of Toronto….. This is a pretty good representation 😂 #Toronto #monkeypox #thursdayvibes

Wednesday is The Betty! Lineup is bananas w. Karen O’Keefe, Harpreet Sehmbi, Joanne O’Sullivan (prepping for Stratford) & in town for a hot minute from LA, Andrew Johnston. I host! #thebetty

When I run out of comics that I love, I’ll shut this sucker down. Thanks to everyone who showed up to enjoy & support, The BETTY last night. Next show Wed Aug 17. Link in bio for tix. #thebetty

The first rule of naming something, never ask the British public.

Line 2 Bloor-Danforth: No service between St George and Broadview due to a Raccoon on the tracks.

I spent the past few days talking to 10 billionaires. I asked them what's the most important rule for making your first $100m. All of their answers had one thing in common:

the bad guy in hallmark movies is a boyfriend who is like “uh no babe i cant drop everything + leave work this weekend im about to close a deal for ten million dollars that will set us up for life” and the good guy is a guy who is just standing there when she gets to her hometown

Cheeky way of telling us the St. Andrew escalators will never be fixed 😁

You can’t legally wear a dress with pockets without telling everyone that it has pockets.

COMEDY ALERT: I'm one of the opening acts for Darryl Purvis's album recording June 10th at Comedy Bar Danforth. Ticket discount code COMEDYRECORDS25. comedybar.ca/shows/darryl-p…

Every episode of Law and Order Toronto better star these THIEVES.

I filmed something where all the other actors had to stand on boxes to match my height. I would like everyone in my life to do this from now on, thx.

Christmas is a Die Hard movie.

I first learned Adobe Illustrator in 1999. The chick I’m in a group project with was born 3 years later. #SecondTimeStudent