Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile
Kabir Iyengar

@kabiriyengar

Screenwriter. Comedy. Sexy Dad Club.

ID: 242085547

calendar_today23-01-2011 22:29:34

1,1K Tweet

18,18K Followers

499 Following

Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Just got my vaccine!!! Man, I’m so happy. Took me like 3 months, but finally found a guy at my gym who injected it right into my bum. Man, so relieved. Also, weirdly ragey...

Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

This morning I saw a beautiful rainbow and followed it to the end!! Sadly, all I found was a leprechaun with an empty pot and all his money in crypto.

Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Some jerk once told me "writing is rewriting". Okay, but like what if I haven't written anything? And the deadline is like two whole days away? And it's almost naptime right now? Then what? I hate stupid advice.

M. Night Shyamalan (@mnightshyamalan) 's Twitter Profile Photo

This is me watching a bad storm cloud moving towards us on the set of ⁦Old⁩ I believe I was thinking at that moment… “Maybe I should have been a doctor.”

This is me watching a bad storm cloud moving towards us on the set of ⁦<a href="/oldthemovie/">Old</a>⁩ I believe I was thinking at that moment… “Maybe I should have been a doctor.”
Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

MOVIE PITCH: A hitman get suckered into a multi-level marketing scheme and now he must murder a TON of people or convince his family/friends to sell nutritional supplements.

Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Sometimes I feel like I would’ve made a great zombie. Except instead of hunting for human flesh, I’d just be waiting quietly in line at Trader Joe’s.

Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

MOVIE PITCH: It’s called “Decline of the White Man”. Nothing heavy and no symbolism. Just gonna be about a snowman on a hill. Maybe a rabbit steals his carrot nose or some shit

Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

My wife: how do you have the energy to write a paragraph to a stranger? Me: i don’t know. i really don’t know My wife: ok Me: is it worse that I keep checking to see if they think I’m funny? My wife: yes Me: ok

My wife: how do you have the energy to write a paragraph to a stranger?
Me: i don’t know. i really don’t know
My wife: ok
Me: is it worse that I keep checking to see if they think I’m funny?
My wife: yes
Me: ok
Kabir Iyengar (@kabiriyengar) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I’m reluctant to ever give a DNA sample because I don’t want to accidentally snitch on my future descendants. Just observing my one year old daughter, I think it’s pretty likely she burns down a house and leaves saliva at the crime scene.