My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly on each bicep She is infringing on my right to bear arms.

Good morning all you kick ass patriots. Have a MAGAmazing day. Bella and Rhea is back inside. Coffee from the Keurig. It’s 43 degrees with a Serbian high of 74 degrees and sunny in Columbus, Georgia.

My wife put on a sexy cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed After a short trial, I was found not guilty

Good morning all you amazing deplorables. Have a MAGAnificient day. Bella and Rhea is back inside and coffee is from the Keurig. It’s 42 degrees with a high of 75 freezing degrees and sunny in Columbus, Georgia

I went to a bar alone last night. I was sitting next to a guy by the bar. I suddenly yelled at him, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The music stopped and everyone started to stare, I yelled again, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” He replied, “Go home dad, you’re drunk.”

Good morning my extended family. Have a blessed day. Bella and Rhea is back inside and sleeping. Coffee is from the Keurig. It’s 53 degrees with a bone chilling high of 76 degrees and mostly sunny in Columbus, Georgia.

I got mugged on my way home last night. He pulled out a knife and said, “Your money or your life?” I explained that I’m married, I have no money and no life. We hugged and cried. It was a beautiful moment.

Good morning my dysfunctional family. Have a MAGAsome day and week. Bella and Rhea is back inside and sleeping. Coffee is from the Keurig. It’s 46 degrees with a frostbite-like 72 degrees and sunny in Columbus, Georgia

I just found out I have a week left to live My wife just left to visit family in New York

I was feeling nostalgic. So I went to visit my childhood home. I knocked on the door and asked the occupants if I can come inside. All they did was slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Good morning all you freedom loving patriots. Have a MAGAriffic day. Bella and Rhea is back inside and sleeping. Coffee is from the Keurig. It’s 41 degrees with a high of 75 degrees and sunny but feels like below zero in Columbus, Georgia. Rhea sleeping

I’m much happier because I didn’t wake up grumpy. I decided to let her sleep in.

Good morning all you awesome knuckleheads. Have a MAGAdocious day Bella and Rhea is back inside and sleeping. Coffee is from the Keurig. It’s 52 degrees and a high of 79 degrees but feels like standing on the peak of Mt Everest and party cloudy in Columbus, Georgia.

My wife texted me from New York last night saying, “Windows frozen, won’t open.” I texted her back, “Gently pour some lukewarm water on it and gently tap the edges with a hammer.” She texted back in 10 minutes, “Computer is really messed up now.”

I got really frustrated with my GPS. I hit it, curse at it, and finally told it to go to hell. 20 minutes later I was at my mother-in-law’s house

Good morning all you kick ass patriots. Have a MAGAstic day. Bella and Rhea is back inside and sleeping. It’s 58 degrees with a high of 77 and cloudy but feels like having a sensation of being on a mountain top eating a York Peppermint Patty in Columbus, Georgia.

My wife FaceTime me yesterday from New York. She was saying that she is wearing the gift I gave her when we first started dating and it still fits. I love her so but she’s not the brightest star. It was a scarf

Growing up in New York, I always dreamt of being in the Winter Olympics. I asked my dad if I can go practice ice skating on the lake. He said, “Wait till it gets warmer.”

Good morning all you freedom loving patriots. Have a MAGAriffic day. Bella and Rhea is back inside and sleeping. Coffee is from the Keurig. It’s 56 degrees with a high of a nightmarish 75 degrees and cloudy in Columbus, Bella sleeping

My wife send me a romantic text from New York yesterday, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” I texted her, “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”