I am literally crying laughing.

Wine turns on you after the age of 40 #TrueStory

To celebrate our Papa John's 7% boost this weekend, one lucky member will WIN a free large pizza from Papa John's 🍕 #AirtimeSundayNightTakeaway Just RT and give us a follow to enter. Ends 12:00 21/03/21. (If you don't win, you can still earn 7% this weekend, it's a win-win!)

To celebrate the shops being open again we’re having another #giveaway! RT&follow by midnight on Sunday for a chance to #win some lovely foiled cards in our #competition - best of luck! X 😘💕💕💕#FreebieFriday #freestuff

RT: COMPETITION TIME! Like, Retweet and Comment on one of our most recent tweets for the chance to WIN £100 of London theatre e-vouchers. Winner will be announced on Friday 14th May. * Usual competition terms apply.

And this, everyone, is the greatest video of all time:

🚨RT TO WIN🚨 Dripping in gold 👑 📸 amb_d 🔎 Gold Chain Mail Halterneck Crop Top 🛒 Use code TWITTER60 and get 60% off now via bit.ly/3GnzPMh Ends midnight tonight. Must be following ISAWITFIRST. Winner contacted by DM and will be given a £50 voucher.

🎄✨𝗪𝗜𝗡 𝗮 𝗹𝘂𝘅𝘂𝗿𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 £𝟮𝟱𝟬 ✨🎄 #Win 1 of 2 #Harrods Christmas hampers of luxury food and drink treats + a whole bunch of cosy SOCKSHOP socks! To be in with a chance of winning, follow SOCKSHOP, like and RT this post. Ends midday (GMT) 20/12/21.

So far we've dodged the Christmas day lockdown. That means our "Don't be on your own" Christmas dinner is STILL ON!! We've got all the food in, got all the booze so we're ready. Remember, no need to be on your own on Christmas day. Come to us, FREE dinner for everyone ♥️♥️

For Come Dine with Me fans!

Couldn’t get on website to submit my meter readings so I did the unthinkable, I emailed them with them instead. Received a lovely response saying they have been uploaded to my account. Thank you #eonnext #MeterReadingDay

Well there you have it. How is he still leading the country?

HEATWAVE ESSENTIALS 🌞 WIN A DYSON FAN Stay cool, relaxed and zen this summer with the Dyson Cool Auto React Purifying Fan 🌬 For your chance to win, simply follow the instructions below: 1. Follow @johnlewisretail 2. Retweet this tweet 3. Tag a friend who needs to know👏

How far The Proclaimers were prepared to walk.

Enjoy £20 off your next restaurant booking using my code 8338DFAA. apps.apple.com/gb/app/thefork… There are currently 50% off deals with many restaurants.