Pumpkins really have had the biggest glow-up given they taste disgusting

“Can you send a photo of your sheep’s balls via dm” is not something I thought I’d ever hear… but here we are, sending explicit sheep photos to the vet

At what age do you come to terms with the fact your eyebrows will never look identically and have gone off on lives and career paths of their own

You know your relationship with your ex was bad when you remember the anniversary you dumped them rather than the actual anniversary

Their calendar looks exhausting

My mum forwarded me an article on why some people are perennially late. Anyone got an article on why some people are narcissistic, patronising Karens that I can send in return?

Piggy Pumpkin Fun! 🎃🐖 All of these pigs are rescued from an illegal slaughter operation. They are very lucky pigs to have survived their brutal ordeal. Please help us continue our sanctuary so we can keep them all safe by joining our Pigoneer club 🐖🐖 globalvegancrowdfunder.org/pigoneer-2000-…

Another rainy day 🌧 Some of our piglets cosy in the piggy barn. They're 4.5 now, but they'll always be our piglets 🤗 Unwanted, unloved they were all going to be culled at just a few months old. Please join our Pigoneer club to protect their future 🙏 globalvegancrowdfunder.org/pigoneer-2000-…

Me: Are you out of bed? 7yo: I am just in the stage before that.

Flask mugs are really just the adult version of sippy cups

How I look once I’ve left the house, especially in a hurry, is now so much out of hands that it’s no longer my concern.

What are we thinking about dedicated ringtones for partners/spouses? My driving instructor's car phone repeatedly yells "it's your wife" over a siren, car-revving backing track. It does make you want to activate his airbag, ngl

Apologised to a woman in Primark for bumping into her and my long-suffering 11yo said, “You don’t say sorry in Primark, Mum. It’s not a place of forgiveness.”

Invis🧜‍♀️

When I told someone what my bank charges were they asked if I was buying shares in the bank

Deciding to have a baby is like shopping. Never leave it to impulse

Is it just me or has January been the longest three months ever