“That’s the North Star; that’s where Jesus lives or something” —@MannyFalaguerra

Green juice, pocket juice, large fry, rattle snake

This tax stuff is way too hard I think I'm just gonna go to jail

For as often as they made us practice “stop drop and roll” as kids i was positive Id catch fire at least once a year

sorry for hysterically crying when I asked you (a customer) what kind of milk you wanted for your macchiato, I was just feeling outrageously uncomfortable in my clothes

me trying to decide if i should leave the house or not

me if a bagel and cream cheese were on the submarine

For the love of god would you just do a DOLLOP OF DAISY

me when I’m in the middle of an awesome combo in tony hawks pro skater 2

*pauses guitar hero* *puts both hands over face* “wait guys…I love all my senses”

what if men were normal instead

give me a give it and just give it

I fuckin love pickles until I’m in one

my god I fucking love going NONVERBAL

sorry I can’t hang out anymore i put too much hand lotion on and can’t get a good grip on the door knob :((((

you can bring front of the house to the back of the house but you can’t bring back of the house to the front of the house

I love women who poop (me)

I'm such an emotional moron