Happy F Day!!! Jkjkjk. Happy Father’s D!

Today I publish a book I really love with a foreword by Mindy Kaling and full of the stories and ideas that make me happiest. Please consider purchasing it. Amazon: amzn.to/2s27qry IndieBound: bit.ly/2s2L3lE BAM!: bit.ly/2x5zvCY

The person that wrote those “Coexist” bumper stickers has really shitty handwriting

11. Maybe they're seeing'... somethin' we don't?

"As we always say in the Boomer iPhone community, the more you try to diminish me, the brighter my flashlight will accidentally shine." mcsweeneys.net/articles/i-am-…

I am The Sun and I Don’t Understand Why Everyone Is Freaking Out Over Seeing the Moon’s Butt for… link.medium.com/AMcOcLV6CIb

finally the whole country will watch as a woman stands politely listening to a loud man's bad ideas about the field she spent her life in

If Trump is concerned about companies going abroad maybe he should move his plants out of Bangladesh where workers are paid 30 cents an hour

Has anyone checked on Lester? #debatenight

I just published “Morning Sickness Sucks” medium.com/p/morning-sick…

I just published “What To Give a Friend Who Just Had a Baby” medium.com/p/what-to-give…

I just published “How To Change a Toddler’s Diaper: A Story Told in WWE GIFs” medium.com/p/how-to-chang…

Cancun Sauce is just vomit that's been emptied out of a snorkel, right? instagram.com/p/BNdXeIIDBSIy…

Today on #CookingJeffrey instagram.com/p/BNpSK3VjoU7d…

So far the only Xmas tradition I've started with my young kids is "lay on couch with eggnog carton and yell at dog."

Free comeback for preg women when asked "do you know the sex?": "Oh...[wink] I know-a the sex... [wink again]"

Sleep now! You can drink coffee when you're dead!

I'm Terry Air and this is "Fresh Gross."

Brown sugar is ok bc it's whole wheat

Roy Moorbison seems like a missed Halloween costume opportunity.