It's been eight years today since I got a teaspoon stuck in my mouth. I can still feel the sense of panic. Oh, the horror.

As my daughter said when we saw this on the news this morning - "Great shape. That's more than we can say for you."

My daughter asked me this morning if tomato ketchup was woke. I know that brown sauce and salad cream are the only real options, and that mayonnaise could make you trans, but I'd never heard about ketchup being labelled as woke before. Is there any truth in this?

Someone built a Google translate for Linkedin 😭

Regardless of what he says, how can anyone take the stars and stripes pocket square seriously?

"I haven't seen/read/heard that" seems to be the primary line of defence of most MAGAs. Are they really that ignorant? Do they think that everyone else is?

So far so good so much funnier than the US version #SNLUK Please make Princess Di a recurring character.

I was in London yesterday with my family for the Together Alliance march against the rise of the far right. While I'm not naive enough to think it'll change people's minds, I was hugely encouraged by the number of people who showed up with hope, love and positivity.

BREAKING: ChatGPT have moved to distance themselves from Matt Goodwin's much-criticised new book. A spokesperson for the AI technology said: "There's absolutely no chance we'd create something so utterly shite".

Is whining about how everyone's conspiring against him really Matt Goodwin's strategy for staying relevant?

Has anyone made a chart of the various U-turns, flip-flops and contradictions Trump has made over his war on Iran?

BREAKING: Donald Trump meets privately with Kash Patel and Pete Hegseth to assure them their jobs are secure, amidst swirling rumors that they may be the next cabinet members to be fired.

When will Trump be annexing the Vatican?

Clacton

My wife is currently bingeing ER and The Pitt. Apparently there's no such thing as too much Noah Wyle.

As an atheist, I really have no skin in the game. But I find myself rooting for the Pope.

JD Vance is lecturing the Pope on Catholicism and Pierre Poilievre is lecturing Mark Carney on economics and RFK Jr is lecturing scientists about vaccines and Donald Trump is lecturing the world on tariffs and Pete Hegseth is quoting Pulp Fiction and thinking it’s the Bible

"The victims or whatever.* That's all we need to know, isn't it?

From the GB News editorial charter: "At GB News, excellence is our standard and impact is our goal."

Things I have learned from the movies" Having watched hundreds of movies, they have taught me many things that I would like to share with you today: 1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year. 2.