Me, an otherwise decent person: The Philadelphia Eagles:

RT if you ugly #DipAndLeanChallenge

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HI! MERRIL REESE HERE FOR EUTHANASIA EXPERTS OF SOUTH PHILADELPHIA. WHEN MY FAMILY DECIDES THAT IT’S TIME AFTER ONE TOO MANY OF THESE DOGSHIT GAMES I KNOW WHO ILL BE CALLING — A FAMILY BUSINESS WITH ROOTS IN THE AREA, I WOULDNT TRUST ANYONE ELSE WITH MY DEMISE

beans after dark hongie

It is with heavy hearts that we confirm that Mr. Peanut has died at 104. In the ultimate selfless act, he sacrificed himself to save his friends when they needed him most. Please pay your respects with #RIPeanut

Tonight, we say goodnut.

French mayor defends holding massive Smurf rally despite coronavirus spread: "We must not stop living" cbsn.ws/3aLKoZD

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Stunt

Well America TRUSTED THE PROCESS and it paid off #TheProcess

Thank you Run The Jewels for spending 2,893 minutes with me this year on Spotify. You are my #1. #2020Wrapped open.spotify.com/artist/4RnBFZR…

in honor of the last #NBAAllStar double vote day, we're doubling the size of the big fella! 🌟 for every 200 RTs we will make Joel Embiid bigger.

.Freezing Cold Takes

I slapped Chris Rock 72mph! slapchris.com #SlapChrisRock

Kyle Schwarber won America FREE Taco Bell tacos. Now you can win the base that he stole!

to celebrate opening day, i’m giving away one custom handmade phillies metal jersey!! 🖤 TO ENTER: - must be following me - like & rt - reply and tell me which player you would ask for!!! giveaway closes april 11th!!