Need: someone to eat lasagna off my tits. No weirdos.

Oh no is that what that is

ADHD is just a fancy way of saying you like to choose your own adventure every minute of every day.

Was dating this one dude and his family was super racist. The kids wouldn’t even talk to me and the wife told me to gtfo her house. Pretty sure it was bc of my accent

Feel the love! Check out Signs of Seduction: Leo and share with your friends! 😘

Astounding how people can be, racist, homophobic, misogynistic, etc, and wonder why many people don't want to be around them

Just got the call from the funeral home telling me I can "come pick him up" this weekend. That's my Geeba. Not an Amazon package.

siblings are people you can text a single sentence to with no context or punctuation and still be understood more than if you typed an entire paragraph to anyone else

If you KNOW someone is directly behind you, and you don’t take 10 seconds to hold the door, your mom is highly disappointed in you. If she didn’t teach you, I’m at least judging you. In reality, so is everyone else.

First date idea: we pop each other’s back pimples.

I’m turning 45 on Monday and frankly, this one feels serious 😂 (But not serious enough for me to stop laughing)

scotty, beam me to my dads so i don’t have to drive in traffic. thx.

i am noticing the growth on each little branch and every tiny vine to keep me alive

I’ve always had a thing for the hot nerds.

Nobody talks about how difficult it is to choose new frames for glasses when you're almost blind

World of Warcraft nostalgia has been hitting me hard lately... I just don't want to get addicted to it again.

"When you let yourself shine, you give everyone around you permission to do the same"

Started crocheting again 😌

push me. and then just touch me. till i can get my. satisfaction 🪩💃🏼

Art is gonna save this world