Cigars? You mean Tobacco Burritos?

Tonight!!! Plain Folk Live in Pleasant Plain, OH! I am beyond excited to share the stage with one of my musical heroes Jason Wilber. Doors open at 5, I take the stage at 6, Jason goes on at 7:30. Tickets are still available for $10 at the door.

It was a blast opening up for Jason Wilber! One of my favorite guitar players. It was a pleasure hearing you perform as always. See you down the road man!

Tiiiiime traveler I’m a tiiiiiime traveler

When I make a lot of money, one of the first things I’m gonna buy is the game Gator Golf #childhood

Marry someone who you sit on the couch with and as you watch a movie you lean over and borderline crap your pants with the biggest fart you’ve ever let loose. If they laugh? They’re a keeper. If you get a lecture? Send em to the grim reaper.

Why does Paul McCartney ALWAYS have his mouth half open?

I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I AM! I’M THE…PATERFAMILIAS!

#pinkpanther

Why does almost every woman I know hate beans and tomatoes, but love green beans and ketchup?

All a man really needs is his guitar, his car, his music, his daily bread, his beer, and his clothes. The rest can rot. I wouldn’t piss on it if it was on fire.

Right?

I’ll never wear New Balance shoes

The problem with the dating pool is there is no lifeguard

Screw you, Miami

I think Chinese food smells like farts about ready to happen

Contrary to popular belief, I actually did not do it all for the nookie.

I never thought I’d say this but I hate not being able to pump gas in peace and quiet anymore

Appalachian survival kit: Money for: Rent Phone Internet Ammo Gas Taco Bell/dollar general Beer Cheapest tobacco available Goodwill clothes Mountain Dew No, I don’t have car insurance

Remember wanting that black and white notebook Harriet The Spy had?