Tuck Fexas. 🤘👇

My grandpa just walked into the kitchen at 2 in the morning, grabbed some leftovers and half a bottle of wine, handed it to me, then went back to bed without saying a word... My Grandpa > Your Grandpa

tell me what i gotta do to win you over

IF YOU DRINK AND DRIVE. GROW UP AND STOP PUTTING OTHER FAMILIES IN HARMS WAY. 4 KIDS MAN. KIDS. PARENTS HAVE TO PLAN A FUNERAL INSTEAD OF A BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR. AND A LOT OF YOU EVERY WEEKEND POST VIDEOS ABOUT DOING IT. EVERY WEEKEND. EVEN BRAG ABOUT DOING IT. GROW UP.

"I don't agree with everything Trump does, but you gotta admit his wife is the best looking First Lady we've ever had." - Grandpa

Call me Alkaline, because I'm attracted to the most basic bitches.

Anybody else accidentally flash a cop to warn them about the other cop behind you, or are you not stupid?

Snap memories isn't doing me any favors today...

Thinking about pimping myself out for pumpkin patch dates. Can't decide on a price tho.

I said it in grade school, and I'll say it again. My dad can beat up your dad.🚫🧢

presidents don’t drive downtown in Dallas with the top down like they use to anymore

Imagine living in Oklahoma and voting for Biden. 🤡

If y'all cared about politics more than once every four years, then maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. Just a thought.

I'm all for women's rights, up until baby murder, but that's just me. 🤷‍♂️

I miss backroading with the boys.

I thought it was an unwritten rule that cops couldn't hang out on turnpikes. Why else would I get pikepass?

This girl really got me up past my bedtime. 🥴

Meth must taste really good