I am SICK and TIRED of BEYONCÉ just GIVING AWAY IVY PARK gear to celebrities while us PEASANTS have to scramble to order anything before it sells out 5 mins after release.

LMFAOOOOOOOO

When Grandpa babysits...

Take me back to when I could still get a good buzz after I got off work at 11 😭.

Ex bf thought OF is stupid cuz I’m “showing myself to random people”. To those random people: enjoy and join the party! Or judge and be bitter. Whichever you please. Link in bio 😈(and sorry mom, just flauntin what u gave me 💕).

Get yourself some friends that create a Google doc to help price your OF requests 😂😂😂😂😂

*sigh* if only side salads were cheaper than fries.

I have a PHD in planning everything wrong when I’m put in a ‘planning’ position. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Ordered Jimmy John’s last night at 9:11pm and it has yet to be delivered or even made

Spent an hour of my life on a patio table cover so I don’t have to keep wiping it off. Spent another hour of my life on bocce ball. What a weird way to look at prices 😅😅

If I had a dollar for every mother that’s thought their kid was special for wearing 9 month clothes at 6 months old I could go to space with Bezos.

Why is it that you don’t know you want a pickle till you smell a pickle.

I hate brown. I hate blue. I hate violet skies. I hate purple. I wanna hurt you. I hate everything you like.

Do you think I can get chat roulette on my fire stick

Anyone remember the Pipe Dream game on ur families desktop computer. Slapped. Need iOS equivalent please.

Are there such things as nanny’s for adults? I want one.

My weekend routine consists of sitting around the house until my roommate and bf get bored of it and leave to find their own things to do. Then I can finally come to life with the alone time and get things done 🙃

Do you think any of my friends will catch on to the fact that I don’t check my tik tok notifications? 46 messages and mentions later I still ain’t gonna open any of ‘em

Imagine Heely’s being popular now that we’re adults. I can think of no better way to spend my money/time

I will watch a video of someone’s kitchen for 3 minutes, just to see a water bottle get knocked off the counter.