sry if i sound insane its bc i am

In no life will it ever be my loss

i’m the most relaxed insane bitch ever

Aaron Judge is MVP again! It’s back-to-back AL MVPs for The Captain!

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

don't ever think it can't be you. stay humble always.

Aaron Judge is the only MLB superstar getting into heaven

oh i’m so sorry i missed your text even though i haven’t stopped staring at my phone since 2007.

Not to alarm anyone but is anyone else worried about how fucking stupid everyone is?

The first guy who heard a parrot talk was probably not ok for several days.

I will be honest with you guys I have no idea how big an acre is

i can't believe bugs finna come back. i'm so aggravated

talking abt “we” started a war. bitch i ain’t do shit i been at home

ya dont run on judge!!!

not to sound like a potted plant but sunlight and fresh air really makes a difference

And just like that, we're back. #ALLRISE

Death, taxes, and Cam Schlittler going 8 innings against Boston.

being alive is so expensive can i just be a cherry blossom floating around