girls will have 27 ants, 15 weevils and a caterpillar talking about "my life a movie" yeah it is A Bug's Life

I’m old and wearing a cloak and moving slowly along a dirt road with a walking stick and singing Loch Lomond to myself. I hear voices behind me... I turn and I’m young again and all the Trolls in history are singing with me as a choir... they have come to take me home.

i was thinking about how airpods probably let you listen to music while you're fuckin but now im just picturing two people silently boning while listening to different podcasts about the zodiac killer

if you have a billion dollars you should be legally designated a dragon and any human can adventure against you

IN CAR Me: dawg we just passed another save point.. my Bro: It’s cool. Auto save is on Me: 😳 WATCH OUT FOR THAT TRUCK 🛻💥🚗 *reloading last save. 2002* Me: 😑we are wearing diapers bro. My Bro: (hasn’t unlocked speaking yet) Goo Goo 🤷‍♂️

can anyone work out what ann was trying to say to me? she can't tell me and i'm honestly curious

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I don't negotiate with terrorists Dr Pepper

🔋IntegrateByDarts🔋 here at dr pepper we think it would feel insane to cream pie yoda

she just doesn't care about women's voices, does she

That’s right, I was just hired by Exxon Mobil for this. Please, I beg of you, do not go after my beloved employer en masse.

[flipping through comic about a giant woman who steps on and squishes men with her stinky bare feet] this is dangerous. And it’s going to get someone killed.

jesus god what the fuck

TechHalla yeah man this is great stuff if you have the brain of a lobotomized golden retriever. i could blow your mind for hours on end by jingling keys in front of your gawping dipshit face