Would LOVE to know what Pence is saying right now post debate. Oh, to be a fly on his head.

I was feeling down today until I got this notification on my phone at which point everything just clicked, and all was well.

Anybody surprised about what's happening right now, just remember these are the people that did the same thing in their respective states when they couldn't get haircuts.

Wait, if the 25th Amendment is invoked - do Devin Nunes and Jim Jordan still get the Presidential Medal of Freedom?! Think about the real victims here!

Hello I am brand new to Twitter, what are you guys up to

Trump has started tweeting via carrier-eagle. It's not going well.

Mike Pence wants so badly to be president one day that he's doing everything in his power to not be president right now.

Acting Homeland Security Secretary, Chad Wolf is stepping down, making him the fifth person to resign from that position, and the eleventh Chad to resign from the Trump administration.

BREAKING: Mike Pence speaks with Donald Trump for first time since Capitol riot.

It's my sincere hope that from this day forward any and all news stories about President Donald Trump will now be begin with "A Florida Man..."

Since opening a brokerage account, I can't take any time travel movie seriously that isn't about the stock market.

The Girl Scouts of America have announced they have 15 million unsold boxes of their famous cookies with a shelf life of only one year. Sounds like a job for The Cleaner.

I just had a realization that I don't remember the last time I initiated a high five.

Oh gosh, I'm the last to reply to a bachelor party group text, and I still haven't come up with an opening witty remark. 😬

Uh-oh...it's only Tuesday and I've already used up all my alloted exclamation points. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO(interrobang)

I'm checking whether World War 2 should be renamed " The Second Legitimate Political Discourse " It certainly lacked bi-partisanship And Hitler was only trying to unify Europe

So many years of "thoughts and prayers" really makes me wonder what the hell these people have been thinking of and praying for this whole time.

To all those focusing on mental illness right now: What's the one called that causes people to see mass shooting after mass shooting and insist our gun laws are fine?

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, again." - Kevin McCarthy