I'd raise the roof but I don't have the necessary permits.

If society could learn to accept wrinkles, we could make folding laundry obsolete.

me: my father went out for cigarettes ten years ago and- sloth dad: *opening door* forgot my wallet

sorry i didn’t text back i was taking the pacer test

I’m crying yo 😂😂

Devil: what exactly did you do Guy: I’m gay Devil: and now you’re in hell? Guy: I guess Devil: *scratching head* um ok Guy: so what’s my punishment Devil: idk I guess you could just clean dishes

minecraft? no babe *grabs hand* it’s ourcraft

lol who else eat their pb&j sandwiches raw

x.com/FattyCrabkkake…

This Mother’s Day, bring your mom some Arby’s so she can gaze upon the huge disappointment she destroyed her vagina and traded her dreams in for. Eat Arby’s

[inventing the hot air balloon] I don't give a fuck where I go