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My problem with bringing an umbrella on my walk is that I don't care about—and somewhat enjoy—getting rained on [in many circumstances].

Because I know you've all been up every night nauseous with anxiety since I posted this, allow me to confirm: The version of the poem that's in the 1890 collection of American poems is NEARLY identical to the original, but not totally-perfectly-exactly-the-same-PERFECT-perfect.

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V. New-England-y today.

for every 250 likes, we make the hair bigger.

Hey, so, like, just over an hour into 1981's "Omen III: The Final Conflict," the score gets "Total Recall"-y for sec.

Here's my Jordyn Bonds impersonation: "Hey, there was just a bag of Walnuts on the kitchen table so I poured them into a folder that I labeled 'Walnuts (loose)' and stuck it in the filing cabinet."

It sounds fancy when you write it on a sign, but, if it's anything like all of the other health, by the time it gets here, it'll just be the same ol' present.

🤔For the past few years Joel, Noell Dorsey, and I have been releasing singles under the name Don't Ever Lie To Anyone. ➡️Our newest ditty will drop on Wednesday, 12/7! 🧠This week, I will tweet the prior singles in order to prepare your minds. ✏️Previous tweet had the wrong day

If you're curious what living with a composer is like, I've walked by Joel's studio door three times today and each time he was playing a different instrument.

I had a dream this morning that I was playing a video game made by Randall Munroe. It was a single-player, Zelda-like adventure game where you walked around collecting items, but everything in the game was comprised of emojis.

Best singer/tambourine player I've ever seen? Jordyn Bonds - no contest.

I'm maybe biased here, but as someone who has not only worked with Jordyn Bonds on ten-million creative project, but—being a non-technical founder, myself—literally consulted her about MY OWN company's journey, I HEARTILY endorse this person and this program!

I haven't tweeted for, like, two-and-a-half months, but I feel like it's my duty to let everyone know that I just added this name to my special, fun-time list of potential band names: Baron Rockovich

Whoa! I came here for first time in months with the sole mission of publicly shaming FedEx and was immediately greeted to this super loving whatever-it's-called-now from an ACTUAL guitar god! Thank you, Dan Friel for the shout out! And, I GUESS, in a way: Thank you FedEx.

Attention: FedEx A package came to my house with an address that was not only wrong, but which seemingly doesn't exist. I don't have five hours to be misunderstood by all of your different phone robots, so I'm just going to put the dealie on my porch. Pls DM to coordinate.