The worst part of driving is running out of beer

If fumbling bad bitches was a sport my jersey would be framed in a Buffalo Wild Wings

ALL WOMEN DO IS LIE AND FAIL OUTTA NURSING SCHOOL💯

Not sure if I genuinely like listening to Deftones, or if I just like manipulating women

jenna ortega smokin dat cigarette is doing things to me

Mfs talkin bout “I’m depressed😖” but haven’t been fishing in their lives. Like I’d want to kill myself too if I couldn’t go fishin

Jimmy Hendrix acid tab under the headband trick but it’s a 6 milly wintergreen Zyn

I could piss graffiti off a wall

They must have amnesia they forgot I’m him

McDonald’s should sell cigarettes. 4 McDurrys to go, please

in her box for 2 minutes like a hockey player

Creed was invented by touchtunes to monopolize on drunk white people at bars

Call me Alice In Chains the way I’m the man in her box

Keys? Check. Zyns? Check. If I’m forgettin anything else I’ll figure it out

My mongol ancestors could fire an arrow with pinpoint accuracy from horseback. I’ve inherited this skill 800 years later by throwing a beer bottle at at a school zone sign while driving 15 over the speed limit

She blow on my fish till I hootie

One day in the late 2000s/early 2010’s McDonald’s changes their milkshake recipe and added that fuckass cherry. My life changed for the worse