my dad just texted "can you give me a call" so either he wants to say hi or my whole family is dead. could be both

[seeing 896,000 people die in less than two years] wow, we've added 700,000 new jobs never seen anything like this before I wonder how it happened

*Pete Davidson sneaking out of the 8th grade dance to smoke a cigarette with his buddies while Stronger by Kanye West plays inside the school gymnasium* “Yo, one day i’m gonna make this dude HATE me.”

my dog sighs a lot for somebody who doesn’t contribute to this house or know what a government is

Just saw a sign from a nurses strike that said “at least the blood on our hands washes off” and I am SCREAMING. What an icon.

Listening in on 14yos on the train after school and one of them just said: “bro you didn’t even try fresh basil until you were like 12, you have no credibility in this conversation” and the rest of them started roaring laughing

As many of my tweeps know, I inherited a house last year & let it to a family of Afghan refugees for a nominal sum. This morning the dad came round. "If a Ukrainian family made it to UK have I permission to put them up? I know what it's like." THAT is humanity! I said yes.🥰🥰

being single sucks when u have to designate an emergency contact bc what? my dad's gonna fly to burbank when i faint at a pilates studio?

did y’all know it takes 18-24 months, on average, for someone to start to heal after a significant loss? 2 whole years

this being the culmination of a holy war that's been ongoing since the '70s, you should be aware they are coming for absolutely everything that isn't straight white christian fertile marriage with a submissive, economically dependent and fiscally constrained wife

I really don’t know what to say about my hotel room view

“pro life” but no baby formula on the shelves? yeah okay.

what's gonna be on all those rural billboards now

A family member admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics just told me the RN took "2 hot sauce bottles of blood" which is how i will be referring to blood cultures from now on.

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

Since the photo Gabby Petito took of herself is trending: If you are in a relationship where at any point you feel you need to take photos to document threats or harm, you feeling that need means you need to leave now. Not tomorrow. Not if it gets worse. It's already bad enough.

BREAKING: Ranjeev Puri, the Democratic Majority Whip in the Michigan House of Rep. issues an official statement on the MSU mass shooting this Valentines Day: "F**K YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!" Who agrees? #MSUStrong