when someone asks me what my favorite weather is

When you come back from a 12-hour shift completely drained, can't even move, and your bro invites you to play a game

God is such an artist

That moment you realize, God is more interested in your success than you are. And his greatest investment is you.

#needthat

genuinely one of the most lethal facecards in hollywood not even exaggerating

how it actually feels going to the movies alone

Club de cuervos is still the funniest shit I’ve ever seen fr

If there was a time to implement the death penalty this would be it. Actually torture then death.

me if I have a daughter

When you fake call in sick and your boss responds with "Yeah you have been looking rough lately"

My brothers and I have stopped investing where there’s no reciprocity.

Low key right about that

why doesn't peter parker just follow mj on instagram and start spam liking all her stories

Divorcing Ayesha😂

y’all ever just be like yeaaaaa I’m good…cuz mfkn SAME.

Yo en mi propio funeral cuando escuche a un wey decirle a mi esposa: “Estoy aquí para lo que necesites”

Lord forbid I talk to her like that